College Basketball’s Worst Behind the Mic
About a week and a half ago, in case you missed the first installment, I ran down my list of the best on-air personalities in the college basketball world.
One of the best things about your remote at home is that once all of the displays on it have been worn away from multiple caresses of your sweaty fingers, you still always know where that mute button is. It’s second nature to you. Thank goodness we’ve all developed such a sixth sense, because many of the men that follow require us all to silence the tube and cause us to provide our own soundtrack.
Disagreements? They’re more than welcome: editor@collegehoopsjournal.com.
Bottom 5 Play-by-Play
Mike Patrick. I searched for 10 minutes (livin’ the life!) for a head shot of Mike Patrick and could not find one. This seems fine, though. Anyway, he’s getting more and more unaware of the games he is calling and it’s great….he’s just terrible. After nearly every sentence (and listen to him call a game, that’s not an exaggeration) Patrick is almost out of breath. There must be oxygen tanks readily available whenever Patrick and Vitale are together to suck the love juice out of an ACC game.
James Brown. I could’ve gotten posthumous on you and gone for the obvious mugshot photo, but let’s stay on track here. Who else gave one of those “huh?” faces when you found out last March that CBS decided to bump Gus Johnson in the second weekend in favor of the highly-paid, new-salaried employee in James Brown. You know it’s coming: Stick to the booth and The League, James.
Tim Brando. King of cliché, he makes the FSN Sunday night broadcasts just a little more unnecessarily trite than they need to be.
John Saunders. Not everyone can be good at everything. (Unless you’re Marv Albert outside of the bedroom/hotel room.)
Dan Shulman. *Gasp* Yes, I only put Shulman on here because he’s the king of fluff. Solid job on the games, of course, but the guy is afraid to criticize anyone or any sport he calls. Easy on the icing, Dan. If he just showed a little more onions! when calling a game, he’d be off this list. Instead, I have to put him here due to his inevitable sucking up and/or praising.
Bottom 5 Color
Billy Packer. Even his mom would have to agree with it. What a gasbag. I have to speak for millions when I say: CBS, what the fuck are you doing? How can you keep this guy going? He’s not polarizing (like a Vitale) in a good way.
Len Elmore. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the world who is massively disappointed when ESPN puts McDonough, Bilas and Raftery on their afternoon broadcasts of the Big East tournament, then switches to LEN ELMORE AND DAN SHULMAN for the night games/Big East final.
Doug Gottlieb. Everyone loves to hate him. At least he’s got an identity, though. Yet, to me, I think he makes the list because it always seems like saliva’s falling out of the side of his mouth whenever he’s on the air. I can’t take it, Doug.
Jim Spanarkel. In case you haven’t seen the video.
Stephen Bardo. The soft spoken, almost-too-much-like-Brad-Daugherty newbie at The Juggernaut. You can catch him on the late game of Big Monday and whatever they bury at 4 p.m. on ESPN2 on Saturdays.
C’mon, who’d I leave out?
Tuesday, February 12th, 2008 @ 9:51 am 
Lists
RSS 2.0
Trackback
February 12th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
You left out Digger Phelps, though he doesn’t really do in game action, so I guess not. Digger is treated like the Lee Corso (obviously) of college basketball, but he’s so wishy washy on so many things, that I just can’t take any of his “expert” advice seriously.
Can’t believe you hate on Shulman. He seem so unflappable.
I think I’ve only heard John Saunders call maybe two college basketball games in my entire life, so I’ll take your word.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Wow I got a pretty good laugh out of that Spanarkel video and to think I was going to come to his defense. I thought he did a good job in the St. John’s vs PC game and he was one of the more tolerable guys I’ve heard this season.
There are two guys who I can’t stand listening. One is a young black guy not sure of his name but he is so choppy to listen too as he tries to emphasize his diction way too much.
The other guy is this old skinny black guy with glasses. He kind of reminds me of a dorky less smooth clyde frazier.
Also the other guy who I can’t stand is Bucky Waters. He might be #1 on my list.
So I just typed all this and realized this was only play by play guys. Either way these guys I mentioned are garbage.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
I’m still upset Digger, Bilas, Hubert filmed those UNC commercials last year on St. John’s campus. They painted UNC in our cafe windows….I still demand to know who agreed to this? They’re lucky I wasn’t up at 5am to sabotage this.
February 13th, 2008 at 8:38 am
Great list. I completely agree on Mike Patrick, and I used to really like the guy. But he’s like Dick Enberg now; his senility is really showing through on broadcasts. He’s always lost as to what’s happening on the court.
Bardo’s just an idiot; he’s like the Emmitt Smith of college b-ball color commentary.
JJ – I think the second guy you’re referring to may be Len Elmore.
February 13th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Jungle–The old skinny black guy is probably Elmore, who Norlander mentions. I don’t know the first one you’re referring to.
And ESPN filmed this year’s promos for college gameday at St. John’s last year?
February 13th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Sorry i passed him over it is Len Elmore but the other guy most recently did the RU vs Cincy game but I don’t know his name though.
Last year’s promos unless they are still using them. 1 in the cafeteria, 1 in the dorm room, 1 on campus walking.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Having read both lists, I agree with the bulk of your choices.
However, I’m going to take up for Doug Gottlieb. While his in-studio work can be unnecessarily contrarian at times, his color commentator work has been interesting, and I find his unguarded style to be somewhat refreshing compared to the rote analysis you get from most sportscasters these days (both he and Tom Brennan were relentlessly entertaining to listen to during last weeks Valpo-Butler game on ESPN2…)
And I don’t quite get the beef with Shulman. I find him competent and fine. It’s not the play-by-play guy’s job to analyze, so I have less of an issue with him not being sufficiently critical.
As for the “best” list, how Kevin “Scream for Absolutely No Reason” Harlan is on there is beyond me. I can’t make it through more than five minutes of any game that clown announces, and he’s far better suited for pro wrestling, given his fake over-exuberance.
I agree that all college basketball fans must rise up to protest the Scourge of Packer.
February 15th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Completely disagree with you here man. Shullman is fantastic, he can get anyone to listen to his broadcasts.
Len Elmore is very good. He knows the game of basketball and he delivers it well during the broadcast.
Packard is a bozo, and an arrogant one for that fact
Gottlieb is pretty descent, I wouldn’t say he’s one of the worst.
No problems with Brando either.
Hell these guys make college hoops what it is. Get a clue buddy